I Can't Think of an Inspiring Title, So Here.
It’s a good thing the first person they tested penicillin on wasn’t allergic to penicillin.
dad: why are you drinking coffee at 10pm?
me: time is an illusion. once you realize that, you can transcend, and live in bliss
me: *takes sip*
me: also i have a 10 page paper due in the morning that i haven’t started
(Source: sunpuppies)
Me, a 12 year old child reading “A Series of Unfortunate Events” 14 years ago: What a fascinating but terribly upsetting journey these kids are on! I’m sure they can handle it though, Violet is 15 and therefor very Old and Mature. She got this.
Me, now 26, watching these small children be tortured: what the fuck what the fuck what the f—
(via thestrawberry-blonde)
my femme girlfriend: [hour and a half later] ok I’m ready to leave the house
me: [throwing on shorts and a tank top] okay baby i love you and you look so pretty
My overdressed butch ass: [hour and a half later] ok I’m ready to leave the house
My femme girlfriend: [throwing on a sundress and head scarf] okay baby I love you and you look so handsome
Me: [after spending 6 hours on my hair and makeup] Babe I’m ready to head out now
My femme wife: [who has also taken 6 hours] Okay babe I love you I’m ready and your highlight is poppin severely but you need to blend that contour in a little bit
Me: [fixing her eyebrows] I love you
my overdressed butch ass: [hour and a half later] ok love im ready to leave the house
my equally overdressed femme girlfriend: [also hour and a half later] okay baby i love you we’re both so pretty
Me: [10 minutes and a tank top later] ok babe let’s go
My equally lazy butch girlfriend: [also 10 minutes and a tank top later] I love you honey but we gotta stop taking each other’s tank tops
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(Source: gh0stmother, via thestrawberry-blonde)